Mental Health

I am currently in a battle with my mind. It is so hard to be happy any more. Everyone and everything seems to annoy me. I get upset over things that could be considered as "little", but in my mind they are big problems. Nobody seems to understand me, they think I am overreacting and making a big deal over nothing. if only what they knew what was going on in my mind. People like that I have to distance myself from. I can't consider somebody a friend of mind if they laugh at my problem and don't take it seriously. They say its selfish to only think about yourself, but in my case my mental health comes before anything in my life. if distancing myself from certain people will help me feel better then that is what I will do whether they like it or not.

I've never been good with groups and every group of friends I've been in have always ended. Groups are not for me, I prefer being friends with individual people. My friend list might be small but they make me happy. Having a small friend list is frowned upon by other individuals. You are considered a loner or a loser. There is more to life than having a big group of friends because a big group means there is always problems. if you haven't dealt with your own problems, how are you expected to deal with others.

I have always kept my problems quiet and grit my teeth to get through them. Only recently have I been made to actually say my problems to the people I have a problem with. Its so scary, embarrassing and they always make you feel like you are over reacting over nothing. One even acknowledge "I can be a bitch sometimes" and it makes me wonder if you knew you can be like this, then why continue to be like that. is that how you treat people you consider your friends, if so, I don't want any part of this friendship at all. Friends support each other, not annoy each other to the point that one has to book a hostel just to get away from you. (this happened because we were on a group holiday together).

People have to respect that you need space. you need space to think, sort out your life, debate with yourself on what to do. For example the hostel incident when I told them I was doing that they thought I was joking even added a cheeky "lol" to their texts. those are negative people you don't need in your life. a correct reply would be "we understand that you need your space and if doing that helps, then please proceed to do it". But people don't understand. And what shocks me more is these are the type of people who repost on their Instagram: "1 in every 5 people commit suicide due to depression, please check up on your mate". Trust me about 99% of the people who post those are fake. they don't care, they just laugh at your problems and make you feel worse until their the ones crying at your funeral knowing what horrible people they were to ignore your problem.

I had suicide thoughts in the past, but then I realise doing that just makes my problems win. I try to carry on living and I try to be optimistic. when I have my personal space it helps me a lot with my problems and cutting negative people out can help also. Having one best friend is better than having many fake friends. writing about problems also helps, which is why i've decided to do this blog, maybe others suffer the same problem as me and can give some advice.

Thank you for reading